Sunday, August 29, 2010

Heimdall's Hornies 2, Ungoroth 1

VBN (Valhalla Broadcast Network)

Heimdall's Hornies 2, Ungoroth 1

Figure 1: The scrum

Hornies kick off to the orcs to start the match.  The orcs began with an onslaught that left Hornie line person, Freyja under the care of the apothecaries and the line laid back on their collective rumps.  Orc thrower, Kastanamir picked up the ball and tossed it to a blitzer on the left sideline who moved into the center of the field behind the orc line.  The Norse responded in mass, surrounding the ball carrier.  After a mighty scrum Hogun puts the blitzer down, knocking the ball free.  Frigg picks up the ball and scoots around the formation handing off to Loki who sprinted down the field tripping himself up as he attempted to practice his pornographic touchdown dance dropping the ball. 

Figure Two: Loki loses his footing attempting an early celebration

Loki recovers himself, picks up the ball and again moves towards the endzone again tripping himself as he attempted his dance moves.  This time, he ended up stunning himself and the ball bounced into an exuberant crowd who tossed it back onto the pitch.  A mad scramble for the ball ensued.  Kastanamir picked up the ball and as he tries to leave the scrum he trips himself, losing the ball.  Baldur the Brave, who had spent the last few minutes cowering in front of a Black Orc, made a break for the ball, picked it up and winged it to Loki who is again standing in the end zone.  Happily Loki was able to complete his touch down dance with the Hornies up 1-0.

Figure Three: Loki again loses his footing

As the clock had wound down most of the way the Hornies set up in the prevent defense and kicked off to the orcs, placing the ball just behind the main orc line.  The orcs took the opportunity to assault as many Hornies as possible as time ran out on the half.

The orcs lined up to kick off for the second half, sending the ball deep left.  Frigg recovered the ball as the line made a bit of room for her to run through.  Instead she reversed her field and took off to the right, bobbling a hand off along the right corner.  Luckily Weth was able to catch the ball as it bounced about.  She had no time to celebrate however as she came face to face with the business end of an orc blitzer - a massive scrum of course ensued.  Hel crossed the field and grabbed the ball as Loki went deep.  The action was interrupted as lineorc Snobbler was given a red card as he either tried to fowl the Hornies Yeti, Jormangandr or mate with her.  No one seems to be clear which it was.  As play resumed Frigg tossed the ball to a wide open Loki who sauntered in for the touch down and a resumption of his x-rated dance, this time with a young halfling lass who was in the crowd.  The authorities report that as soon as she is out of traction she should be able to walk again.  The Hornies were then up 2-0.

The Norse lined up to kick off again playing a deep defense designed to slow the orc advance.  The ball is kicked deep as fans from both teams stream onto the field beating the poor referee to death.  It appears that Snobbler had a few fans or at least family in the crowd.  The ball was picked up by an orc thrower who tossed a wobbly throw to the other thrower who was unable to handle the knuckleball.  Meanwhile on the line, a Black Orc continued the assault on Jormangandr, knocking her out, if not up.  The orcs again grab the ball, tossing it to blitzer Moe Bergman who waltzes in to make it Hornies 2, Ungoroth 1.

The final kickoff has the orcs kicking deep to the Norse left and Balder finding the ball too slick to handle.  Eventually, he was able to pick the ball up and heft it down field to Valstagg who caught the ball.  Valstagg, a lineman, had quite a match putting a number of Black Orcs on their cans and withstanding a number of charging beasts.  As time ran out he hit the ground as the orcs converged on him but while the ball was on the ground, time had ran out and the team joined Loki in a celebration dance. 

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